Failing to notice or believe your own progress

It is coming up to 3 and a half months since I decided to knuckle down and sort my health out. Logic and reason can see the numbers on the scale and the tape measure go down, but why is it that I mentally struggle to accept that I have made any progress at all?

Don’t get me wrong I love people mentioning that I’ve lost weight and look healthier, but as much as I can politely accept a compliment, there is always that little voice. The voice of self-doubt creeps in. As what I can see in the mirror doesn’t reflect the numbers or the comments.

My own doubt, I believe, comes from previous ‘failure’ and ‘delusions of progress’ – since I realised I had put on weight I have been killing myself in the gym for the last two years. Pushing harder and harder, believing I was making progress…but honestly, I wasn’t. I was still eating ridiculous amounts of crap, just doing heavy weights (with awful form so constantly pulling my back out) and couldn’t see myself getting bigger. So now, while actually making progress to my goal, I feel like I am constantly second guessing myself, as I believed I was making progress for so long when I wasn’t – so why is this time any different?

So, I have decided to just note down two things that have helped me with the mental battle of my fitness journey:

1) Take transformation pictures

You will hate it. It will make you cringe. The feeling of putting 3 months hard work next to each other and seeing the difference you can’t see in the mirror is indescribable.

Trust me, I stood there in front of the mirror in my underwear (relaxed – not posing) in May feeling like an absolute numpty. I hated what was looking back at me, desperately wanting to suck in my stomach for the photo, that little voice asking why I’m bothering – nothing changed before, why would it change now.

A couple days ago I had just got home from the gym and decided to take new pictures. Still relaxed and feeling like a numpty. I then collaged the two front-facing photos together. (BTW take front, side and back angles!) I almost cried, maybe in joy or shock – I don’t know haha. But as they say, the camera never lies, and it really got me truly believing that I was making progress, and I could do it. I was sceptical, but it works 😊

2) Get the help that suits you

Just getting a personal trainer is great, but sometimes you need more. Find a personal trainer that suits you and your style of training. Personally, I cannot stand those overly happy, ‘oh my god let’s get motivated guys‘ style trainers, it works for some people but not me. I train after work, I do not respond well to that style, I prefer friendly and informative – tell me what to do and I’ll do it – I may complain about it, but I will give it my 100% effort to get it done.

Also, trust and support are a big thing that has helped me. My PT trains me (obviously) but also checks on where my head is a lot too. Questions no one else has asked me ‘So how do you feel about your body now?’ ‘what is your biggest insecurity?’ ‘Are you happy with yourself as a person?’ – deep questions. But once you have that trust, being able to answer those questions and having an honest conversation with no judgement from the other person…with them only trying to help…Is oddly a freeing feeling.

So, if you are going to get some help, remember one size doesn’t fit all with training types, and being able to train the body while also working your mental health – makes things a lot easier.

That’s all. If you want someone to talk to, feel free to message me on my Instagram – I’m happy to chat, but remember I’m not an expert and still trying to figure out my own journey. But if my honesty helps someone else understand that denial/self-doubt is something everyone goes through, and something that shouldn’t be bottled up inside - then I’m happy 😊

Lots of love, ellenruth xxx